


I Like to Keep My Issues Drawn

by celeste9



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, First Kiss, Multi, Nightmares, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Sharing a Bed, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-04-28 20:57:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14457594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeste9/pseuds/celeste9
Summary: After Crait, Rey learns that some mistakes are worth making, that what’s broken can be rebuilt, and that not all family shares your blood. She might fall in love, too, and somehow that’s the easy part.





	I Like to Keep My Issues Drawn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Port](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Port/gifts).



> The title comes from Florence + the Machine.

There was nowhere to sleep on the  _ Millennium Falcon. _

Rey snatched a few hours of rest curled up in the co-pilot’s chair until Chewie wailed at her about straining her neck. She tried to tell him that she had slept in worse places but he was adamant. 

So then she found Finn and Poe, tiredly chattering at each other in a corridor, butts on the floor, Poe’s arm wrapped around BB-8. The droid was powered down but Rey had the impression Poe just wanted to be near him; it was weirdly cute.

“Hey,” Finn said, both of them looking over. “You look exhausted as hell.”

“Thanks,” Rey said as she sat down, leaning against him. “You two definitely don’t look like you’ll fall asleep mid-sentence.”

“Excuse you, I can finish my sentence first.”

“Okay.” Rey slid down and put her head in Finn’s lap; he rested his hand on her hair.

A porg came flapping over, alighting on BB-8’s domed head-piece. “Aw, man,” Poe said, but the porg fixed its huge eyes on him and Poe relented. “Just don’t… poo on him or something, okay?”

Finn snorted laughter. 

“What? You wouldn’t want porg poo on your head, would you?”

“Go to sleep, Poe.”

“You go to sleep,” Poe said, but he was quiet after that. 

Rey closed her eyes and slept.

-

She awoke when someone tripped over her feet.

“I’m so sorry!” Kaydel exclaimed as Rey blinked up at her.

“In fairness,” Finn said, stretching his legs out and jostling Rey in the process, “we’re the ones napping in the corridor.”

“Well, it’s crowded.”

Rey wondered if Chewbacca would count this as better or worse than the chair. Though at least her neck didn’t ache; Finn’s thighs were weirdly comfortable.

BB-8 was whirring into motion, startling Poe, who had apparently slept wrapped around the droid. Even Rey thought that seemed horridly uncomfortable, but Poe seemed content enough, if bleary-eyed. The porg was gone, though there were a couple more of them chirping just down the corridor.

The  _ Falcon _ ’s lighting was back to daytime, which meant that they must have been out for a few hours. Rey still felt exhausted, but she expected that her body was still acclimated to the day-night cycle on Ahch-To. Not to mention the fact that before this, she hadn’t slept since Ahch-To, which was more hours ago than she liked to consider.

“I’m going to check on Rose,” Finn said, and Rey smiled at him.

Poe got up to talk to Kaydel, BB-8 rolling away after them, and they all separated. 

It was weird, because Rey felt like she needed to be doing something, but there was so little to actually do. They were in a holding pattern until Leia gave them their next move, stuck on the  _ Falcon  _ like it was an overcrowded flying house. 

Rey went to sit with Chewbacca for a while, rolling the halves of Luke’s lightsaber in her hands. She wished she knew more about the make of it, more about the crystal, so that she would know if there was any possibility to salvage it. Could she use the halves to craft a new lightsaber of her own? Was it simply broken beyond repair? If she tried, would she end up with something even more unstable than Kylo’s?

_ Kylo could tell you,  _ a voice in Rey’s head said, but she cast that from her mind. She hadn’t seen Kylo since she closed the hatch of the  _ Millennium Falcon  _ on him and she hoped to keep it that way.

Perhaps there would be something useful in the sacred texts. If there wasn’t, maybe Rey could figure it out by trial and error. She just didn’t want to risk messing with the crystal here, where if something went wrong she could hurt so many people. When they settled, then she would try.

She held her hand to her head, an ache building. Voices were seeping in from all over the ship, so many beings with so many thoughts and fears and hurts, all trying to cope with recent events. Rey hadn’t been around this many lifeforms since Kylo Ren broke through her walls and freed up her connection to the Force. It was… uncomfortable, and overwhelming, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it.

Chewbacca growled in concern but Rey waved him off. 

“It’s nothing,” she said, though she got up. Maybe if she found somewhere else, a bit more secluded, it would be better. Just so she could recover a sense of peace.

Of course, the idea of finding seclusion anywhere on this ship was laughable. Someone was crying and it made tears spark in Rey’s eyes; she wiped them viciously away.

“Rey,” a voice said, and Rey looked down into the concerned face of General Organa.

“I’m just…” she started, and then rubbed more firmly at her pounding head.

“Being stubborn, I know,” the general said. “Come on.”

Rey followed her into the crew quarters, where she knew the general slept. General Organa pushed her down onto the bunk and offered her some water, which Rey knew better than to refuse, even if she had wanted to. (She didn’t.)

“Head feeling a little crowded?”

“How did you know?”

“I know everything. I suppose my brother never said anything about it.”

Rey shook her head.

“Of course not. He was too busy wallowing in his own guilt.” The general pressed her lips together. “He knows better. He should have recognized it would be an issue for you, after Ben.”

Ben. Rey wrapped her hands tighter around the small water glass.

“Knew better,” the general said. “He knew better.”

Rey couldn’t help the way her eyes widened, the way she leaned back away a little, as if to flee, though she couldn’t.

But General Organa just blinked and her expression smoothed over, as though she was willing her emotions away. “You can shield yourself so that you can keep everyone else out. Just takes some practice.”

“You can show me?” Rey hated how small her voice sounded.

“Yes,” the general said. “Yes, I can show you.”

-

“Poe says he’s got somewhere we can sleep where we won’t get stepped on,” Finn said later, when the lighting had dimmed to approximate nightfall. 

“I’m interested,” Rey said, and let Finn lead her off.

Honestly she supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised when Poe’s solution turned out to be one of the smuggling compartments beneath the floorboards. He seemed genuinely pleased with himself as he pulled up the latch, BB-8 whirring back and forth near Poe’s feet.

“Drawback,” he pointed out, “is you won’t make it, buddy.”

BB-8 made his disappointment clear and Poe rubbed him sympathetically.

“Looks crowded,” Finn said, peering down into the dark hold.

“We’re all friends, right?”

Finn still looked doubtful. “Not to be a downer or anything, but this whole  _ Falcon  _ situation isn’t doing anything good for standards of cleanliness. Not sure I want to be wedged in there with your stinky bodies.”

Rey exchanged a glance with Poe, trying not to laugh. “Scavenger,” she reminded Finn. “On Jakku. Honestly I hadn’t noticed anything.”

“Yeah, and I make cross-galaxy trips in X-wing cockpits,” Poe said. “I got used to my own stink.”

“You two are disgusting,” Finn said.

“Fine, then, we’ll sleep where it’s nice and quiet and solitary, all curled up with our stink, and you can sleep up here on the floor.” Poe hopped down into the compartment and held his hand up to Rey. “Maybe Beebee-Ate will keep you company.”

The droid beeped a response in the negative, which made both Rey and Poe laugh while Finn muttered something rude under his breath.

Rey jumped into the compartment without accepting Poe’s aid; he took his hand back and rubbed it over his head. “It’s not bad,” she said, which made Poe grin at her.

“Coming, princess?” he called up to Finn, who rolled his eyes and slipped down next to them.

“You two can cuddle up in the corner with your stinky selves,” Finn said, looking like he was only half-joking.

“Happy to,” Poe said, and waved up at BB-8 before pulling the latch back over. 

It darkened severely but as they were only sleeping, Rey figured that was okay. Her eyes adjusted so she could make out the dim shapes of Finn and Poe.

Poe held out his hand and this time Rey took it; she leaned against him when they sat and Poe put his arm around her shoulders. 

“You still don’t smell bad to me,” she said, sniffing.

“Disgusting,” Finn said again, moving to the opposite corner. 

Poe shrugged and said, “Suit yourself,” dropping a kiss onto the top of Rey’s head. 

Rey watched him, a bit surprised, but he had simply leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, rubbing his thumb over Rey’s shoulder. 

So she closed her eyes, too, and appreciated the knowledge that no one would trip over her this time.

-

Her dreams were troubled, because Poe’s were. A dark figure in a mask, a row of empty cockpits, pilots’ accusing eyes, Rose saying,  _ she was my sister, how could you,  _ General Organa shaking her head in disappointment and relieving him of duty, a woman with dark, curly hair who said,  _ I expected better of you _ .

_ This isn’t for you,  _ General Organa’s voice said in Rey’s head, and she struggled to find herself. This wasn’t for her to see, the guilt and pain that Poe hid behind his cheery smiles and easy humor, and it made her heart ache as much as her head. She thought of creating a wall around herself as she withdrew, and it helped.

She wished there was something she could do to soothe Poe but she didn’t know how; instead she slid into wakefulness and rested against him, hoping he might somehow derive comfort from her newfound calm. 

Finn was slumped on the floor now, his head by Rey’s knee, pillowed on his forearm. Rey wondered why she had never been bothered by his dreams.

Poe shuddered; Rey touched his hand in what she hoped might be considered a reassuring gesture. His palm twitched beneath her fingers and Rey squeezed it.

He woke a few seconds later, jerking in place and blinking at her. “Time is it?” he asked, words a little slurred.

“Approximately morning, I think,” Rey said, and didn’t mention Poe’s bad dreams.

A crack of light peeked in past the overhead latch before Rey heard the dim echo of BB-8’s binary above them. The hatch opened and the droid peered at them, beeping excitedly.

“Good morning, buddy,” Poe said, and Finn rolled over, swearing. “And good morning to you, buddy.”

Rey stood up, stretching, and said to Finn, “Try to get a minute in the fresher today. You smell.” She climbed out with the sound of Poe’s delighted laughter ringing in her ears.

-

Rey had lunch with General Organa in the crew quarters, nothing more than a couple of ration bars. The rest of the Resistance seemed to consider this a hardship, the carefully doled out protein bites and gels, but to Rey it still seemed a luxury. The food was there, guaranteed, and they had enough, and there was no real need for worry. General Organa was confident it would last long enough for them to reach wherever she was intending them to end up and Rey had the feeling that General Organa didn’t tend to pass over telling hard truths. If she thought they would struggle, she would say it.

“How’s your head?” General Organa asked.

“Better. Thank you.” Rey rubbed her thumb over the smooth side of the lightsaber half she was holding; she couldn’t seem to stop herself from doing it. “I think I’m getting the hang of shielding.”

“Then do you want to tell me what’s bothering you? If it’s not the noise then it’s what’s in your own head.”

“I’m not bothered.”

The general raised an eyebrow.

Rey felt her cheeks heat. “I suppose I’m…” A hundred thoughts flitted through her head, Ben, Kylo Ren, the bond, Luke, but Rey was somehow terrified of telling it to anyone, let alone the general. What if she no longer wanted Rey around? What if she resented her, or thought she would be a liability, or...

“I’m not sure what I’m meant to do,” Rey said, staring at her knees. It seemed easier to admit to her fears of the future than to anything else. “I failed at everything I tried.”

Luke. Kylo. Rey seemed destined to make poor choices that accomplished nothing.

“In case you haven’t noticed,” General Organa said, “we’re on a ship by ourselves, looking for safe harbor because just about everything we did failed. So it’s not just you.”

“But--”

“Since you’re asking, here’s what you’re meant to do: to not stop trying. Fair?”

Rey sighed.

General Organa thudded her cane against the floor. “Honestly, you children never do what we tell you to anyway. Go on and make your own decisions and your own mistakes; no need for all this theater and pretending you’ll do what the old folks tell you.” 

Rey blinked at her, not sure if she wanted to laugh or apologize. A tiny nervous giggle escaped past her lips.

“Get out of here, then, I’ve got work to do. Enjoy the free time.”

So Rey did, finding C-3PO on the other side of the door, who made an effusive and unnecessary apology before joining the general. Rey walked to the tiny storage room doubling as a medical bay, where she discovered Rose awake and smiling tiredly at a beaming Finn.

Rey nearly backed away but it was too late; Rose caught sight of her and said, “Oh! You’re Rey! The Jedi!”

“I’m not a Jedi,” Rey mumbled, but Rose talked over her.

“The way you took on Kylo Ren! And your shooting on Crait, that was amazing! Finn says you’re a mechanic, too? I know I’m not much but I do some fiddling; I’d love to talk to you about--”

“Rose,” Finn said, his dark eyes highly amused.

“I’m babbling again, aren’t I.”

“A little.” Finn looked to Rey. “She doesn’t have much opportunity for doing talking with Resistance heroes,” he said, like it was a special joke between them.

Rose smacked his thigh.

“I’m not a Resistance hero,” Rey said, but Finn was shaking his head.

“Oh no, uh uh, if I’m a Resistance hero then you are, too. Tell her the Force will be with her, she likes that.”

Rey felt uncomfortably out of place and uncertain about what was going on, but Rose was laughing.

“Rey, I’m really so happy to meet you, and maybe we can talk sometime? If you want to?”

“Yes,” Rey said, unsure, but liking Rose’s warm smile anyway. If Finn cared about her, then she must be a good person. “That would be nice.”

“Wow,” Rose said under her breath, and Finn squeezed her hand.

“Take it easy. I’ll come back later, okay?” He walked out with Rey, sliding his arm around her waist. “You okay?”

She shrugged. “I just… I don’t know.”

Finn was silent for a bit, leading her towards one of the gunner booths. It was empty, though a porg seemed to have created a nest in there, and a little quieter than the rest of the ship. “I didn’t want to push,” he said, “but you haven’t told me what happened.”

“I did. I went to Ahch-To, and found Luke. He wouldn’t come back with me.”

“I get the feeling it was more complicated than that.”

Rey gnawed at her lip as she looked into Finn’s face, his cautious, friendly concern for her. He cared for her and that was still such a new feeling. If there was anyone she could talk to, it was Finn. Finn wouldn’t judge her, and he would keep her secrets. He was the only one she could truly trust.

Poe was kind and Rey liked him, but Poe was loyal to the Resistance first. If he knew that she was bonded to Kylo Ren, he would… 

But Finn would look out for Rey first, and she thought he would do so even if it meant keeping this from Poe.

“Snoke is dead,” Rey said.

Finn gaped at her. “What?”

“Kylo killed him.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I was there.”

“You were… Rey, what the hell? What the hell were you doing? You have to tell General Organa!”

“I know. I will; I just… I have to figure out how.”

“Why can’t you just say it?”

“Because… because the reason I was there was because I was trying to turn Kylo.”

Finn said something under his breath that sounded like a curse. He swept his hand over his hair. “You were trying to get Kylo to turn? Why the fuck would you think you could do that?”

Rey couldn’t look at him; she focused on the stars blurring by through the viewport. “I kept seeing him, on Ahch-To. Snoke… connected us. Bonded us. I didn’t know at the time that’s what it was, but I was able to talk to him.”

“You’re bonded to Kylo Ren?”

“It’s not what you think,” Rey said, and considered that maybe this hadn’t been a good idea after all. “I could see him, and talk to him, and he could see me, but that’s all. We can’t see each others’ surroundings or anything, and we can’t control when it happens. I haven’t seen him since we left Crait.”

“So…” Finn sounded like he was struggling to make sense of any of this, but at least that was better than judgment. “So you spoke to him. And that made you think he would turn?”

“I don’t know how to explain it. It was more than that, it… Finn, he was just like me once, with all this power that he didn’t know what to do with, and he… he understood me, how… how lonely I was, and…” Frustrated, Rey chewed on her lip again. “He wasn’t always a bad person. Snoke was always in his head, and… something terrible happened. I know how much bad he’s done; I’ve seen it. I saw what he did to  _ you.  _ But Luke wouldn’t come with me, and I wasn’t strong enough, and I just… I saw something, I saw the good that’s still in him, and I saw that he could be good again. I thought if he did, then we could turn on Snoke together and we could fix this! So I went to him.”

Rey leaned against the viewport, her palm on the glass. “I was wrong. For a while I thought… I thought he would do it. I thought he would trust me, and come with me, but I was wrong. He killed Snoke but he just… He can’t let go. So I left him, and now he’s calling himself the Supreme Leader.”

“Fucking hell,” Finn said, his voice shaking. “Rey, you have to tell the general. She has to know.”

“I know. I know that.” She turned around, facing Finn finally, almost overwhelmingly relieved by the realization that he wasn’t looking at her any differently than he had before. “You can’t tell Poe.”

“What?”

“Please, Finn. He won’t understand.”

“Of course he will, he’s a good person, Rey, he’ll--”

“Always choose the Resistance above all! He’ll choose it over you, and he’ll certainly choose it over me. If he knew that I had a connection to Kylo Ren, he would…” Rey clenched her fist. “Please.”

“Okay,” Finn said, stepping forward to engulf Rey in a hug. “Okay. I don’t like it, but I won’t tell him. I hope you will.”

“Thank you,” Rey said, and let herself melt into Finn’s embrace, like none of this had happened, like everything was all right.

With Finn, everything would be fine.

-

They slept again in the smuggling compartment, though Rey felt overly awkward, flinching when Poe came too near or brushed against her. He clearly noticed, his easy agreeable expression faltering, and he kept his distance. Rey didn’t know what he thought and she wasn’t sure she wanted to; he must think he had done something to upset her and she couldn’t tell him any differently.

Finn held her and smiled at Poe, but Rey knew he didn’t like this. He didn’t like being caught in the middle and he didn’t like keeping things from Poe.

But he kept his promise, and they slept undisturbed.

-

Telling General Organa went better than Rey had expected. She ended up just blurting it out, everything that had happened on the  _ Supremacy _ \- aside from the bond, which Rey couldn’t bring herself to say - and that was maybe the best thing she could have done. The general appreciated bluntness, it turned out, and she listened carefully without interrupting.

“My son, the Supreme Leader,” she said eventually. “Not exactly the future I imagined when he was a boy.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey said to her knees.

“For what? You’ve done nothing to be sorry for. You gave him more of a chance than anyone else would have.”

“I… I really thought he would come with me.”

The general’s smile was small and sad. “Well, he never did do what anyone expected of him.”

“Snoke certainly didn’t expect Kylo’s lightsaber through his abdomen.”

To Rey’s surprise, General Organa laughed. “I’d imagine he didn’t.” She reached out and laid her hand on Rey’s knee, squeezing gently. “I told my brother that I knew, after so long hoping, that my son was truly gone. But speaking with you, I’m not sure that’s true anymore. I suppose that sounds ridiculous, after his assault on Crait. He’s so angry, so filled with rage and hurt, and Snoke lived in his head for so long. But…” She seemed uncertain in a way that Rey hadn’t seen from her.

Rey put her hand on the general’s, linking them together. “I could feel the person he could be. I don’t know if he’ll ever choose to be that man, or even if he can be anymore, but he’s still there.”

“Thank you,” General Organa said, and they sat in comfortable silence.

-

The Resistance started over on a planet called Lah’mu. There was so much to do, building, finding which of General Organa’s contacts could still be counted on, getting supplies, rebuilding their fleet and their weapons. A group of Poe’s pilots who hadn’t been on D’Qar during the evacuation found them and Rey had never seen Poe so genuinely happy, smiling from ear to ear and joking with his friends while BB-8 zoomed about him in enthusiastic loops.

It had been stilted between them, since Rey had chosen not to tell Poe about Kylo, but that night they all stayed up late, sharing booze Chewbacca retrieved from a hidden compartment in the  _ Millennium Falcon  _ that even Unkar Plutt had failed to find, and Poe grabbed Rey’s hands and swung her round in circles beneath the stars. She laughed breathlessly and collapsed against his chest while Finn beamed at them, and Rey started to believe that maybe they would be all right.

-

“We’re just sorting out rooming arrangements,” Poe explained as he gathered Finn and Rey into what would be his quarters on base. It was still mostly bare, though he had brought in the bedroll and lumpy pillow he had been using to sleep as well as a few odds and ends he had picked up since they had begun work on the base, an extra pair of pants, a datapad, a sketch of BB-8 Rey had done out of boredom and given to Poe, red-faced, when he had asked for it. It was tacked to the wall.

“So I just wondered if you had preferences,” Poe went on. “I mean, I can have this to myself, technically, but it’s pretty roomy, and I think we could fit in three beds, we could set up two in bunks, maybe, and still have space to fit in a desk. But it’s only if you want to, there’s the barracks, obviously, or if you--”

“Poe,” Finn interrupted, looking to Rey, who nodded. “We’ll absolutely share your private room if you’re dumb enough to offer.”

“Oh,” Poe said, sweeping his hand through his hair. “Neat.” He gave them his wide smile. 

Rey felt the lump of Luke’s damaged lightsaber in the bag hanging by her waist and wondered if this would be a mistake.

-

The kyber crystal was dead.

The actual construction of the hilt was fairly simple, and Rey had been able to reconstruct it using the broken halves. The problem was that there was no salvaging the crystal.

Rey knew she was no Jedi but she also knew that she had power she could use to help, power that she was maybe obligated to use to help. The Resistance would need someone who could stand against Kylo Ren.

They would need more than one woman with a laser sword, and a laser sword wouldn’t make her a Jedi, but Rey still knew she needed to fix this. She only wished she knew how one went about finding a crystal.

“There are a few planets we know where the crystals can be found, and a few more that are rumored,” the general told her as they sat in her quarters. “Luke took Ben to Christophsis for his.”

“I wish…” Rey rolled one broken half of the crystal between her fingers. “I wish I knew more.”

“You mean you wish my brother had taught you more.”

“I understand why he didn’t want me around. I only… Well, I feel as though I’m only mucking around in the dark.”

“To be fair,” the general said, eyes shining with mirth, “my brother did that most of the time as well.”

“That almost makes me feel better.”

“I think he’d tell you that you’re doing all right. I think he… put too much on himself. He had very little in the way of formal training himself, and I don’t think he was in the position to be teaching. Perhaps I’m to blame for that, too. Ben was a difficult child even without…” The general looked away for a moment, towards the wall. “You’ve got that same willfulness and eagerness about you that Luke had at your age. You’ll make it, just like he did.”

Rey felt it would be nice to possess that level of certainty herself. “I suppose it wouldn’t have worked out anyway, him as my teacher. I don’t think I did anything but annoy him the entire time he knew me.”

“That just makes you family,” General Organa said, only halfway teasing.

Family. Rey wondered if this was her family now, the one that she chose. Maybe they would choose her, this time, too. 

-

“It doesn’t feel right to leave yet,” Rey said, lying with her head in Finn’s lap while he stroked her hair. 

It was about as warm as it got on Lah’mu and the skies were cloudy but there was no rain. From the knoll where they sat they could see Poe, giving the introduction speech to a new recruit while BB-8 chimed in, perhaps helpfully, perhaps not.

“I’m great with you staying,” Finn said.

Rey pinched his calf. “I’m going to have to go, you know that. I need to rebuild my lightsaber, and I need to… There’s so much I don’t know.”

“I’ll go with you then.”

Warmth spread throughout Rey’s chest. “You’re needed here.”

“Nah. Poe’s needed here. I’m needed with you.”

“Poe would miss you.”

“And you wouldn’t?”

Rey shifted a little, dragging her fingertips through the dirt. “I’m used to being on my own.”

Finn made a pained sort of exhaling sound. “And now you’re not anymore. You don’t have to be. You’ve got me. And Poe, too.”

Poe, whom Rey couldn’t bear to tell the truth to. He looked at her with his big easy smile, his eyes crinkling, while Rey kept secrets because she was afraid of what he would do if he knew. He wouldn’t give her that big easy smile, that was for sure. 

He was, though, headed their way. He was striding over, BB-8 trundling along behind him, the recruit sent off with Snap to get settled in on base. Poe stood before them, one hand cocked on his hip, and said, “I’m hurt, buddy. You never offer to lovingly stroke my hair while I rest my head in your welcoming lap.”

“You don’t stay still long enough for it to be a viable option,” Finn countered.

“I can stay still! I can stay so still for hair-petting.”

Rey disguised her giggle in a cough which she had the impression fooled no one. She sat up, patting Finn’s thigh. “Go on. Have a turn. Finn finds it soothing; he won’t object.”

“Actually I’m right here, objecting,” Finn said, but he didn’t seem all that perturbed when Poe made himself comfortable, BB-8 chirping cheerfully beside them. Finn’s hands settled immediately into Poe’s thick hair and Poe hummed contentedly.

Rey watched them fondly, struck by the way Finn was grinning down at Poe. Before he had been exasperated, and there was still a little of that, but he was looking at Poe like… like Poe was  _ his,  _ the way he looked at her, and Rey suddenly felt terrible. She was making Finn lie for her, making him lie to someone he cared for so much, and it was heartless and unfair. She should never have asked him to.

But she didn’t know how to tell Poe the truth.

-

The first time Rey saw Kylo since Crait, she thought she was having a nightmare.

The room was dark, Finn and Poe asleep in their bunks. Kylo nearly blended in with the night, only his pale skin standing out. Rey’s heart was thudding in her chest and she dug her nails into her skin to be certain she was awake, that Kylo wasn’t a spectre, a figment of her mind come to haunt her. 

She whispered angrily, fearful that Finn and Poe would wake, while Kylo threw barbed comments at her. He was hurt, she knew, and angry.

But Rey was hurt and angry, too, and she was afraid that Kylo could find something through their bond, their location, their plans, something that would give them away.

She was so relieved when he faded that she collapsed onto her back in the bed, hardly even noticing that BB-8 had stirred into action, wondering who Rey was talking to.

“No one,” she told him. “No one, Beebee-Ate. Just a dream.”

-

She kept seeing him after that, like a persistently annoying tail she couldn’t shake. When she was training, when she was helping Poe modify his new X-wing, when she was cleaning blasters with Finn, when she was tending the crops they were growing in the fertile soil of Lah’mu. Sometimes she had to bite her tongue not to acknowledge him, and that seemed to aggravate him most of all.

Poe gave her confused looks and asked if she was okay, and Rey kept lying to him. Finn pressed her for details, concerned and also pissed off on her behalf. BB-8 continued to inquire why she had so many arguments with herself and did she need maintenance? 

Rey wished that it would all just stop.

-

Her wish may have been granted in an unforeseen way when General Organa happened upon her as she was in the midst of a heated conversation with Kylo. “General!” Rey exclaimed as she caught sight of her past Kylo’s shoulder.

Kylo did an almost comical double-take, though of course he could see nothing. “Mother?”

Rey fixed her eyes on the back of Kylo’s dark head but he disappeared from view, the connection lost.

She was left looking at the small figure of General Organa, arms crossed. “Is there something you want to tell me, Rey?”

“Snoke bonded me to your son,” Rey said, and swore at herself internally.

“My brother told me as much. I’m glad to finally hear it from you.”

“Your brother?”

“Funny how these things work, isn’t it? He leaves me for years but after he’s dead, I can’t be rid of him.” The general sounded remarkably cheerful about that.

“He’s… haunting you?”

“In a manner of speaking, I suppose. I’m sure he’ll make a nuisance of himself to you soon enough.”

Rey wasn’t sure what to think of that, or of any of it, to be honest, so she went back round to the subject of the bond. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I… I thought you would think I was a threat and send me away, or--”

General Organa’s expression was not unkind. “I won’t send you away, Rey. I’ll admit I’m not sure what it means for the security of this base but from my understanding, he can’t see anything but you, and he can’t know anything that you don’t tell him.”

“I would never tell him--”

“I know,” the general said, waving her off. “Luke is more concerned about the effect so much contact with my son has had on you, and will continue to have on you.”

Rey couldn’t tell, either through the general’s expression or her tone, what her thoughts on the matter were. “I know I was being manipulated,” she said, “but so was he, and the...turmoil within him, that was still real. I know who he is, and I know he might never change his course. I know that’s not up to me. But I’m not sorry that I tried to show him he could, even if Luke thinks it was a mistake.”

General Organa was watching her with simple thoughtfulness. “Do you think it was a mistake?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. But I guess… I guess it was a mistake I had to make.” Rey chewed on her lip. “I suppose that sounds dumb. You must think I’m…”

“I think you have the courage of your convictions, and that’s to your credit.”

Rey met her gaze doubtfully. “Luke disagreed.”

“Never mind him,” the general said. “He made his own mistakes, and he probably thought he was helping you, protecting you. He… he failed, with Ben. He’s never forgiven himself, and I think it’s hard for him to watch anyone else try, when they may fail, too.”

Rey had never thought of it like that before. “I got the impression he thought I was being a foolish girl.”

“Oh, nonsense. You had hope, just as Luke did at your age.”

“And now I’ll learn?”

“Not too much, I hope. Your faith was not a weakness, no matter how it was repaid. In any case, we all choose wrongly, sometimes, not only the very young. My brother made quite a few spectacular mistakes himself. You’re doing just fine.”

“I bet you didn’t make mistakes like this.”

“Of course not. It was only everyone around me doing that.”

Rey laughed at the impish good humor in the general’s words. This was proceeding a lot differently than how she had imagined it would, when she had thought about telling General Organa about the bond. She had been so afraid, but she needn’t have been.

If only she were confident that Poe would react similarly.

-

Rey had gotten so much better at shielding since they had left Crait, so that she was very rarely bothered by extraneous noise and the emotions of others. Only sometimes when she slept could she feel Poe’s bad dreams, perhaps because of their close proximity, or because she cared more for him than she did anyone else who wasn’t Finn.

Finn never seemed to have dreams, and when she asked him about it once, he said he didn’t think he could. Side effect of what had been done to him during his stormtrooper training. He sounded wistful but Rey was glad for him; she thought his dreams would be terrible, after everything he had been through.

Usually now when Rey woke disturbed, it was from her own nightmares.

_ She was drowning, being dragged into the darkness, while a cold face stared impassively at her, and -  _

Rey’s eyes snapped open and there was someone holding her hand, someone whispering to her, and it was Finn. Her breath came in ragged gasps but it was Finn, kneeling at her bedside, and he would never leave her, he would never let her drown.

“You’re okay,” Finn was saying, and Rey flung her arms around him. He seemed surprised but he returned the embrace immediately, enfolding her in his arms, and Rey clung to him.

She peered just beyond Finn’s shoulder to where Poe was standing there awkwardly, like he wanted to help but didn’t know if he was welcome. Rey lifted her hand from Finn’s back and Poe took it, squeezing.

It was okay, Rey thought, Finn’s soothing voice echoing in her ear, and she had never had someone to tell her that before. She thought of nights she had woken on Jakku, shaking, crying from nightmares she realized now had probably been buried memories, and had sat alone in her AT-AT, waiting for the morning sun. It occurred to her that she didn’t have to be alone, would never have to again, because she had Finn, and Poe, and Chewbacca, and even General Organa, and she didn’t quite know what to make of it.

-

“I thought you were helping with the vegetation,” Poe’s now welcomely familiar voice said from behind Rey’s shoulder.

She sat back on her heels, kneeling in the dirt, and looked at him. Flower clippings rested on the earth beside her, waiting to be gathered up. “I am. But Chewbacca brought back some flower seedlings too, and I thought… I like the color.”

Poe smiled at her and dropped down into the dirt near her. He reached for a blue blossom and held it in his lap, finger stroking the stem. “Lah’mu could use some color. Will you cut some for our room?”

Rey nodded. “Of course.”

“I’m actually here because… Okay, here’s the thing. I’m kind of a pushy ass and I won’t deny it, so if you tell me to fuck off I’ll understand. But Beebee-Ate says you’re always having arguments when there’s no one else around, and sometimes you sleep poorly, and I know Finn is keeping something from me. If you don’t want to tell me then I guess… I guess… I’m just worried about you, and I wish you’d let me help you.”

_ Oh, no. _

Rey couldn’t imagine what her face looked like but it must have been something because Poe immediately reached for her, his palm on her knee. “Rey, please don’t… I’m just worried. That’s all. You look like you think I’m gonna kick your pet or something.”

“I don’t have a pet,” Rey said, only to stall.

“Figure of speech.”

“And I know you wouldn’t kick it.”

“Rey.”

She dropped the clippers, digging her thumbnails into the pads of her middle fingers. She was so afraid of how Poe would look at her.

“It doesn’t look like it,” she said, the words coming out more haltingly than she wanted, “but someone is there. At least for me. The Force is connecting me to Kylo Ren. That’s who I’m arguing with.”

Poe blinked slowly, his forehead creasing in confusion. “The Force is connecting you? To Kylo Ren?”

“I know how it sounds.”

“Are you okay? Is he hurting you?” Poe’s hand tightened on her knee.

That… was not what Rey had expected. Now it was her face, she was sure, that was creasing in confusion. “What? No.”

“You’re okay. You’re sure.”

“Yes, Poe,” Rey said, and pried his hand from around her knee, gripping it in hers. “I’m fine.”

He breathed out, some of his unexpectedly fierce tension sliding away. “Okay. You told Finn.”

He wasn’t asking, but Rey answered anyway. “Yes.”

“But not me.”

“Poe--”

“No, that’s all right. I know I’m not, compared to Finn, I’m just--”

Rey squeezed his hand tighter. “I thought you would find it a conflict of interest, and I thought you would… I know how important the Resistance is to you.”

Poe’s jaw clenched. “You didn’t trust me to want to help you. You thought I would consider you a threat to our safety and try to get you kicked out.”

That was harsher than Rey normally thought of it but not inaccurate. She shrugged.

“Rey,” Poe said, and held her gaze with intensity. “The Resistance is important to me, but so are you. I would never just… Hell, Rey. Don’t you know how much I want you here? You and Finn?”

“I didn’t…” Rey blinked rapidly. She didn’t know why she felt like this, like her insides were twisting, like...

“Leia knows?”

Rey nodded.

“Then that’s all I need to know. I understand why you didn’t trust me but I hope maybe I can… I hope you’ll believe how important you are to me.”

“I do,” Rey said, because maybe if she hadn’t before, she did now, looking into Poe’s warm brown eyes.

He leaned forward and hugged her, pressing a kiss to the side of her face. Poe’s lips were so warm on her cheek and his embrace felt like home, and Rey thought she should have known, she should have known.

-

It became part of Rey’s morning routine to get up and train with Finn. Sometimes they went running together, traversing Lah’mu beyond the base, and sometimes they sparred, hand-to-hand or with weapons. Rey liked how well they were matched, that Finn challenged her, that she could work up a sweat and feel like she was accomplishing something. 

She also didn’t mind the parts of it she wasn’t sure she should admit to: Finn in his workout clothes, the closeness and touching, the push and pull rhythm they developed. Sometimes when they finished she spent some time going through her lightsaber forms, while her body was still warm, and she liked the admiring way Finn watched her, like she was genuinely special.

If Poe was around, sometimes they burst in on him when they were done, purposely, still flushed and sweaty in their workout clothes, because it inevitably flustered him as his eyes went obvious places and he tried to make excuses before fleeing. Rey would grin at Finn and he would grin back, and she thought maybe she knew what was happening here, but she didn’t mind waiting it out.

-

Rey showed General Organa the sacred texts. The general was wickedly amused by the idea that Rey had stolen them right out of a sacred tree, under her brother’s nose, though she had no qualms about flicking through the pages and declaring them dull.

Rey didn’t exactly disagree. She had the odd thought that Kylo would piss himself to get his hands on them, and would likely enjoy reading them a good deal more than Rey did. It gave her a small vindictive thrill to know he had given away the opportunity without even realizing it.

Someone knocked on General Organa’s office door and she told them to come in; it was Poe.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he said, walking in with his hands full, balancing a couple of plates and a jug of water. “Rey forgets to eat, and you’re not actually any better, General.”

“I don’t forget,” Rey insisted. It was more that she forgot to notice when she was hungry, after so many years of it being a near constant state.

“That’s very thoughtful of you, Poe,” General Organa said, eyes twinkling. “I’ll just pretend that your concern was actually for me.”

“You know I’m always thinking of you, General,” Poe insisted, but it was Rey to whom he offered the first plate, though he wouldn’t even look at her when he did it.

She bit her lip to hold back her smile. “I can feed myself, you know.”

“Sure, and if you remembered to do it, I’d let you. See you later.” He ducked back out as quickly as he had arrived, probably too embarrassed to stick around. Poe was good at gestures but not so good at accepting appreciation for them.

“He’s fond of you,” the general said in a teasing manner.

Rey shrugged. “He’s fond of Finn.”

“He’s fond of you both, and you know it.”

Rey stuffed a piece of bread in her mouth to avoid responding.

“Almost makes me wish I was young again, with two handsome men in the picture, until I remember how dramatic it all was and I’m glad to be gray.”

Choking a little, Rey coughed and then swallowed. “It’s not… it’s not like that.”

General Organa was smiling faintly. “No, your handsome men seem rather less dramatic about it all, and you’re all refreshingly unrelated to each other. Though perhaps a bit slow, in the measure of it.”

“They’re not mine,” Rey said, because she wasn’t sure how to comment on the rest.

“Of course not,” the general agreed, and changed the subject.

But Rey knew in her heart that they were, and she was theirs, and the knowledge of it cheered her through.

-

“There is no reason for that to work,” Poe said, lying on his stomach on top of the rear of his X-wing and staring inside the panel covering the hyperdrive. “I’m calling bullshit on this.”

“The engineering is sound!” Rey insisted, crouched opposite Poe. “I’ve just bypassed a step so the transition’s smoother; you’ll be thanking me the next time you take her out. She’ll fly like a dream.”

“I don’t know,” Poe said, but BB-8 chirped from inside his socket to inform them that everything checked out and the ship’s OS approved of the modification.

“See?” Rey said, not a little smug.

Poe remained doubtful but whatever qualms he might have had were interrupted by the arrival of Finn, who called up to them from the ground.

“You’ve been out here for kriffing hours,” he said. “This ship is not that exciting.”

“Hey,” Poe said, but Finn continued talking over him.

“Rey, you promised me you’d have an early night. You haven’t slept the night through in three days.”

“I don’t need you to monitor my sleeping habits,” Rey said, but Poe was looking concerned now and she had the feeling she was about to get ganged up on.

“You haven’t been sleeping?” Poe asked.

BB-8 responded affirmatively before Rey could get a word in.

“Traitor,” Rey said, though the droid only responded by saying lying went against his programming.

“This can wait,” Poe said, and of course he would agree with Finn.

“I find working on ships relaxing.”

Poe’s resolve wavered until Finn interjected, “You know what’s really relaxing? And good for your health? Sleep.”

Rey’s own body betrayed her by yawning. She clapped a hand over her mouth but it was too late.

Poe was laughing and Finn reached up towards her, saying, “Come on, Rey. You’ll feel better.”

She scowled but admitted resistance was futile. Anyway she was tired, and maybe tonight she really would sleep through. She jumped down from her perch on the X-wing, bypassing the small ladder, with Poe coming down after her. She let Finn and Poe lead her off, BB-8 trundling behind.

In their quarters, Rey chucked off her clothes and changed into a shirt that might have been Poe’s and some worn pants. Finn and Poe were averting their eyes, faintly red-faced, like they always did, as if Rey hadn’t explained a hundred times that she didn’t care if they were here and it was only a body, anyway. They changed in record speed while Rey had her back to them and she thought she should be commended for not laughing at them.

Poe cheerfully bid goodnight to BB-8, who powered down and hooked himself up to his charging port. Finn sat on his bottom bunk and looked at Rey. “I’m waiting.”

She rolled her eyes. “Kriffing hell. I’m going to bed, okay? Happy?” she sat in the middle of her mattress and then made a show of wiggling under the covers and pulling them up to her neck.

Finn grinned at her. “Better.”

“You should ask for a goodnight kiss,” Poe suggested. 

That seemed like a fine idea, in spite of the fact Rey knew Poe had been teasing. She pointed at her cheek. “Go on, then.”

“Me?” Poe’s voice squeaked sort of hilariously.

“Seems only fair I should have one from both of you, since you bullied me in here.”

“Bullied,” Finn echoed, but he sprang up and supplied Rey with her kiss easily, so that Rey was the one nearly blushing when he leaned back, still smiling.

Not to be outdone, Poe kissed Rey’s other cheek. She caught his wrist, and then Finn’s, not sure exactly why she was doing so. She just wanted… to hold them here, with her.

Finn said softly, “It’s okay now to not always do everything yourself. To have us help you. That’s what we’re here for.”

“Stay with me,” Rey said just as quietly, feeling stupid, but Finn nodded.

He climbed up on the bed beside her, pushing himself beneath the covers. Poe hesitated awkwardly but Rey tugged his hand until he got in, too, and they were all wedged together in the slightly too small bed, absolutely perfectly.

She had no nightmares, no unwanted visitors, and she slept the entire night through.

-

Rey wasn’t certain exactly what the occasion was, and when she thought about it she was almost certain there really wasn’t one. Someone had thought of an excuse and everyone on base had latched onto it, a reason to let go for just a few hours, to relax, to try to forget for a little while all the horrors they had seen, all the stress of recent days, all the work there was still left to do. The moonshine was legitimately the worst alcohol Rey had ever consumed in her life, and that was including the locally brewed poison colloquially known as Hutt Piss on Jakku, but she was sitting on Finn’s knee with Poe’s arm slung behind their backs and everything else seemed to fade to unimportance.

Rose was dancing with some of the pilots, bright and cheerful, and BB-8 was loyally trying to wheedle some better booze for Poe out of Snap. Poe was telling ridiculous stories that Rey was sure had to be less than half true, but Finn had the most beautiful laugh and Rey was happier than she thought she might have ever been. 

It wasn’t really a conscious decision to kiss Finn, more a feeling that seemed right and inevitable, so she did. Their mouths fit together, soft and warm, and it was easy to lean down and intentionally collide with Poe, the three of them in a slow messy slide of lips, the most perfect tangle, Finn’s thigh between her legs and Poe’s hand on her waist. Then Rey laughed, out of pure joy rather than amusement, and wondered why they had taken so long.

-

It was raining on Lah’mu the day Rey left to search for her kyber crystal. She hugged General Organa inside the base while Chewbacca, her company for the trip, ran ahead to the hangar and the waiting  _ Millennium Falcon. _

Finn and Poe ran with her, heedless of the downpour, joking and laughing as the rain soaked their hair and their clothes until they reached the cover of the hangar. She kissed them both, slow and sweet and enthusiastic, lingering so she could imprint the taste of their mouths in her memory.

“May the Force be with you,” Finn and Poe said at the same time, and she laughed.

It made her want to kiss them again but she settled for kissing them each on the cheek. “Don’t do anything too stupid until I get back. Promise?”

“We all know Poe can’t make that promise,” Finn said, and got an elbow in his side from Poe.

Rey left them mock-grappling with each other like the dorks they were, striding up the landing ramp with the pleasant sound of their laughter filling her ears. Chewbacca greeted her in the cockpit and Rey breathed deep. She wouldn’t be going alone.

She began the start-up sequence to get the  _ Falcon  _ in the air and realized that for the first time in her life, she had a real home and a family to come back to. Finn and Poe would be waiting for her, would miss her while she was gone, and the thought warmed her like the cozy blanket Poe had brought back for her on his last flight off Lah’mu.

The sooner she got started, the sooner she could come home to them.


End file.
